Dear America, 
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment. 
Sincerely, Canada 

 Dear Yahoo, 
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying... 

Sincerely, Google 

 Dear Twilight fans, 
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. 

Enjoy fantasizing about that. 

Sincerely, Logic 

Dear Icebergs, 
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch. 
Sincerely, The Titanic 

Dear J.K. Rowling, 
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends? 
Sincerely, Anonymous 

Dear Boyfriend, 
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can. 
Sincerely, Spiders 

Dear Voldemort , 
So they screwed up your nose too? 
Sincerely, Michael Jackson 

Dear 2010, 
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?! 
Sincerely, 1985 

Dear Justin Bieber , 
Ariel would really love her voice back. 
Sincerely, King Triton  

Dear Rose, 
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us. 
Sincerely, Jack 

Dear Windshield Wipers, 
Can't touch this. 
Sincerely, That Little Triangle 

Dear Taylor Swift, 
If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end. 
Sincerely, Shakespeare 

Dear Soccer Fans, 
B B B B B B Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z 
Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z! 
Sincerely, Vuvuzelas 

Dear Saturn, 
I liked it, so I put a ring on it. 
Sincerely, God 

Dear Rubik's Cube, 
Sincerely, Colorblind 

Dear Santa, 
Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho's. 
Sincerely, Tiger Woods 

Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans, 
I. Can't. Breathe. 
Sincerely, Your Balls 

Dear Martin Luther King Jr., 
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now? 
Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio 

Dear Sleeping Beauty, 
I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and totally save China for my man. 
All you had to do was wake up. 
Sincerely, Mulan 

Dear Romeo, 
My death isn't the only thing I've been faking... 
Sincerely, Juliet 

Dear Fox News, 
So far, no news about foxes. 
Sincerely, Unimpressed 

Dear Sex Educators, 
Abstinence is only 99.99% effective. 
Sincerely, The Virgin Mary 

Dear Toaster, 
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? 
Sincerely, Toast 

Dear Edward,    
I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart. 
Sincerely, a stake 

Dear Prince Charming, 
You've got some explaining to do!    
Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty 


Leave a Reply